Glossary

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Boundaries 

Clear rules or limits that a person sets in order to protect their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. 

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Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) 

A form of talk therapy that helps individuals recognise and change negative thought patterns and behaviours. 

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Cognitive Dissonance 

The mental discomfort experienced when someone holds two conflicting beliefs or when their experiences don’t align with their understanding of reality. In the context of narcissistic abuse, victims may struggle to reconcile the narcissist’s charming facade with their abusive behaviour. 

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Co-dependency 

A relationship dynamic where one person sacrifices their own needs to meet the needs of another, often to their detriment. Codependent individuals may struggle with boundaries, making them vulnerable to narcissistic abuse. 

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Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) 

A condition that can develop after prolonged exposure to repeated trauma, such as narcissistic abuse. Symptoms include anxiety, flashbacks, emotional dysregulation, and difficulty trusting others. 

 

​Devaluation 

After the love-bombing stage, the narcissist begins to devalue their target. This can include criticism, passive-aggressive behaviour, belittling, and other forms of emotional abuse intended to erode the victim’s self-esteem. 

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Discard 

The phase in a narcissistic relationship when the narcissist suddenly and coldly ends the relationship or pushes the victim away. The discard can be devastating for the victim, leaving them feeling abandoned and confused. 

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Emotional Abuse 

A form of abuse where the perpetrator manipulates, humiliates, or controls their victim through emotional means. Emotional abuse can include criticism, gaslighting, devaluation, and withholding affection. 

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Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) 

Also known as "tapping," EFT is a form of alternative therapy that involves tapping on specific acupuncture points while focusing on negative emotions. It helps survivors release emotional pain and trauma stored in the body. 

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Empathy 

The ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Narcissists typically lack empathy, which is a key characteristic of their abusive behaviour. Conversely, survivors often need to relearn self-empathy as part of their healing process. 

 

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) 

A form of therapy designed to help individuals process and heal from traumatic experiences, including narcissistic abuse. EMDR involves guided eye movements while the survivor recalls distressing memories, allowing the brain to reprocess trauma in a less emotionally charged way. 

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​Flying Monkeys 

Individuals manipulated by the narcissist to do their bidding, often by spreading misinformation, gossip, or even attacking the narcissist's victim on their behalf. Flying monkeys may not realise they’re being used or that the narcissist’s version of events is false. 

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Gaslighting 

A form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist causes the victim to doubt their own memory, perception, or sanity. The goal of gaslighting is to undermine the victim’s sense of reality, leaving them dependent on the narcissist’s version of events. 

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Golden Child and the Scapegoat 

One of the common tactics employed by narcissists in families is triangulation, where they pit family members against one another to maintain control. This often manifests in the form of a "golden child" and a "scapegoat" dynamic. 

• The Golden Child: This child is idealized by the narcissistic parent and is often showered with praise and attention. They are expected to uphold the narcissist’s self-image and reflect their superiority. While the golden child may receive more affection, they also suffer from immense pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations and may struggle with forming their own identity. 

• The Scapegoat: The scapegoat, on the other hand, is blamed for everything that goes wrong in the family. They are often the target of the narcissist’s anger and criticism. This child may develop low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression as a result of being constantly devalued and invalidated. 

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Grandiosity 

A hallmark of narcissistic behaviour (can be harder to identify with some forms of narcissism), grandiosity refers to an unrealistic sense of superiority and an overestimation of one’s abilities or accomplishments. It often includes fantasies of power, success, and attractiveness. 

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Grey Rock Method 

A coping strategy used to deal with narcissists by becoming as uninteresting and emotionally unresponsive as possible. The goal is to avoid providing the narcissist with any emotional "fuel" or narcissistic supply. 

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Hoovering 

A tactic used by narcissists to "suck" the victim back into the relationship after a discard phase. They may use flattery, promises of change, financial or emotional manipulation to regain control over the victim. 

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Hypervigilance 

A state of heightened alertness and anxiety, often experienced by survivors of narcissistic abuse. The survivor may constantly feel on edge, anticipating further emotional harm or manipulation from the narcissist. 

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Inner Child Healing 

A therapeutic approach that focuses on addressing childhood wounds and traumas that may have contributed to unhealthy relationship patterns, including those with narcissists. Healing the inner child can help survivors build self-compassion and self-worth. 

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Love Bombing 

An early stage of a narcissistic relationship where the narcissist showers their target with excessive attention, affection, and admiration to win their trust and affection. This is often a tactic used to manipulate and eventually control the other person. 

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Low Contact 

For situations where No Contact is not feasible (e.g., co-parenting), low contact involves limiting interactions with the narcissist to the bare minimum, keeping conversations brief, factual, and unemotional. 

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Narcissism 

A personality trait marked by self-centeredness, arrogance, and a lack of empathy. While everyone has some narcissistic tendencies, extreme narcissism can be harmful to others, especially in relationships. 

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Narcissistic Enabler 

A person who supports or allows the narcissist’s harmful behaviour, either knowingly or unknowingly. Enablers may excuse the narcissist’s actions, help them manipulate others, or simply fail to hold them accountable. 

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Narcissistic Injury 

A term describing the intense feelings of humiliation, inadequacy, or rejection a narcissist experiences when their inflated self-image is threatened. This injury often leads to narcissistic rage, where the narcissist reacts with hostility or aggression. 

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) 

A mental health disorder characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. 

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Narcissistic Rage 

An intense, disproportionate outburst of anger, aggression, or passive-aggressive behaviour in response to a perceived threat or slight to the narcissist's ego. Narcissistic rage can be triggered by criticism, rejection, or failure. 

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​​​​Narcissistic Supply 

The constant need for attention, validation, admiration, or emotional energy that a narcissist seeks from others. Narcissistic supply is necessary to sustain their inflated self-image. People who provide this supply are often seen as mere extensions of the narcissist’s self-worth. 

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No Contact 

A complete and total break in communication with the narcissist, used by survivors as a way to protect themselves from further manipulation or abuse. This includes blocking the narcissist on all communication platforms. 

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Self care 

The practice of caring for, respecting, and valuing oneself. For survivors of narcissistic abuse, cultivating self care is a crucial step toward healing and building healthier relationships. 

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Somatic Experiencing 

A body-centred therapeutic approach that helps survivors of trauma, including narcissistic abuse, by focusing on physical sensations and how the body stores trauma. It encourages the release of pent-up energy and emotional pain. 

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Trauma Bonding 

An emotional attachment formed between a victim and their abuser through cycles of abuse, devaluation, and intermittent kindness. Trauma bonds make it difficult for victims to leave the abusive relationship despite its toxicity. 

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Triangulation 

A manipulation tactic where the narcissist involves a third party (another person or group) to create conflict, competition, or jealousy between others. This allows the narcissist to maintain control over relationships by keeping people off-balance. 

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