The Spark
What to expect during this stage
The Spark is that first flicker of awareness—when something inside you whispers, “This isn’t right.” It’s confusing, overwhelming, and often terrifying. But it’s also the beginning of your freedom. Here’s what this stage often looks like:
A Storm of Emotions and Instincts
You’re hit by a wave of shock, denial, confusion—and sometimes even relief. Your nervous system may react in fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode, as your body senses a threat before your mind can name it.
A Shift in Perception
You begin noticing behaviours that feel off—manipulation, double standards, gaslighting and you start questioning what you used to excuse or justify.
The Research Spiral
You turn to Google, YouTube, or books, desperately seeking answers. Words like "narcissist," "gaslighting," or "emotional abuse" start popping up—and they resonate deeply.
Looking for Validation
You look for signs, examples, stories—anything to confirm that you’re not imagining things. You might talk to friends or family, hoping they’ll understand, but not everyone does.
The Emotional Disconnection Begins
You start losing trust in the narcissist. Emotionally, you begin pulling away, even if you’re still physically present. You may feel numb, guarded, or confused about your own reactions.
Struggling to Accept the Truth
Even as the evidence builds, you hesitate to name it abuse. It feels surreal, and the word feels too big. You’re caught between what you know and what you feel.