​Raging flames of realisation

'Trauma and pain'

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What is 'the inferno' stage of recovery?

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Stage 2 (“The Inferno”) is the phase of emotional upheaval. Survivors begin to process the reality of the abuse, often experiencing intense waves of anger, grief, betrayal, and fear. This stage can feel overwhelming and chaotic, as the protective denial from Stage 1 burns away and deeper emotional wounds come to the surface.

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Following the initial stage of awareness, this stage marks the point at which the survivor begins to fully experience the repercussions of the realisation that they have been subjected to abuse. This stage can be overwhelming, as the floodgates of repressed feelings and memories are suddenly opened, possibly leaving the survivor feeling shocked, scared, tearful, and utterly lost. 

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Common feelings at stage 2 of healing from narcissistic abuse

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• Freeze state​

• C-PTSD

• Continual realisations

• Loss of self

• Shattered beliefs

• Emotionally withdrawn

• Need to self soothe

• Overload of emotions

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At this stage, survivors often describe entering a kind of freeze state—a period of shutdown which can last for weeks or even months.  For some, it may feel as though time has stopped while they try to process a cascade of realisations about their past. Survivors might suddenly recall moments of subtle manipulation or overt hostility that were once dismissed or rationalised. This ongoing process of ‘joining the dots’ can be both enlightening and deeply unsettling. 

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The freeze state may cause survivors to close off from the world temporarily. Even undertaking the most basic of tasks may seem overwhelming and impossible as your brain tries to process the enormity of the realisation. This is a ‘messy’ stage and self care is a must to help you get through it. Complex PTSD may also be diagnosed during this phase for some people.  

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Facing the truth about the abuse

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As the truth about the abuse becomes undeniable, survivors often experience continual realisations. The recognition that what they have endured was indeed abuse forces can sometimes force them into a state of cognitive dissonance—a conflict between the person they believed the abuser to be and the abusive behaviours they now recognise. This internal struggle may result in intense self-questioning. They might ask themselves, “How could I have been so blind?” or “Was it really as bad as I now think?” This constant questioning and re-evaluation of their experiences can be incredibly draining, both mentally and emotionally. 

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In this stage, the survivor’s foundation is literally rocked. The long-held belief that the relationship or situation was normal is shattered, leading to a profound loss of self. Many report feeling as though they have lost a part of who they are, struggling to access memories or emotions that once seemed integral to their identity. This loss of self is often accompanied by a noticeable lack of energy and motivation; even everyday tasks can feel insurmountable. 

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The impact of recognising abuse is not limited to emotional pain. Physically, survivors may experience significant disruptions in their daily life. Some find themselves withdrawing from work or social activities, isolating themselves as a way to cope with the overwhelming sensations of vulnerability and confusion. Sleep patterns can become erratic—some may sleep excessively as a form of escape, while others find themselves unable to sleep at all, plagued by intrusive thoughts and nightmares. 

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In an effort to soothe the emotional turmoil, many survivors turn to self-soothing techniques. This might include engaging in repetitive activities, listening to calming music, or even seeking temporary distractions through binge-watching television. However, these methods often provide only short-term relief, as the need for deeper support and genuine assurance grows ever more pressing. 

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During this period, survivors often experience an overload of emotions. The realisation that abuse has been a constant, albeit hidden, part of their lives can be so intense that it feels like an emotional tidal wave. The sheer volume of feelings—fear, sadness, anger, and betrayal—can leave them feeling completely overwhelmed. As a result, many begin to limit or cut off contact with the abuser, whether by going completely no-contact or significantly reducing interactions. This distancing is an important step, albeit a painful one, as it helps to create the space needed for further healing. 

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Ultimately, the impact stage is about confronting the stark reality of abuse head-on. It is a time when survivors must face not only the evidence of what has happened but also the profound effects it has had on their sense of self and their everyday lives. 

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This stage, with all its challenges, is a crucial part of the recovery process. It is in the midst of feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable that many survivors find the motivation to seek support, ask for help, and eventually move towards a place of healing and self-discovery. 

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Tips and techniques to help navigate the realisation of abuse​

Navigating The Inferno stage can be incredibly challenging, but there are several strategies and techniques that can help ease the overwhelming emotions and cognitive dissonance you may be experiencing. 

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​Learn more about stage 3 - The Scorchline here.